'Stay calm, she is only joking': Man gets called an embarrassing name in front of his colleagues, but HR shrugs it off

Author image for Stephanie Harper
Stephanie Harper
Aug 18, 2023 7:00 AM EDT

Imagine showing up at work to meet new colleagues, but instead, meeting met with some sort of twisted inside joke? A man shared his story on Reddit after being called a humiliating name in front of his coworkers, boss, and members of the HR department. No one seemed to flinch about the situation, though. 

He explained that one of the new women he met referred to him as his boss's b-word upon shaking his hand. He says his smile quickly disappeared, but everyone started immediately telling him to remain calm since what she said wasn't anything more than a joke. In reality, that type of joke doesn't form out of nowhere. 

Commentary about him and his connection to his boss has likely circulated amongst his colleagues for her to feel so comfortable saying something so aggressively rude. No one took him seriously, despite how upset he was at that moment. Now he's questioning what the future of his job will look like at a place where he's been so clearly and blatantly disrespected. Redditors are chiming in with their thoughts.

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  • 01
    Table - "Pretty degrading way to treat people in the workplace"
    via Pixabay
  • 02
    Font - Posted by u/Dr_Does_Enough 3 days ago 1 Coworker I met for the first time said to me, "I've heard of you, your 'so-and-so's right in front my boss and HR manager and they both told me it was a joke and to calm down.
    via u/Dr_Does_Enough
  • 03
    Font - As the title says, I was recently at a work outing. I've been working at this place for about 2 years. I met a coworker during this outing for the first time. My boss and the HR manager introduced me to them.
    via u/Dr_Does_Enough
  • 04
    Font - Before meeting them we each had had a couple drinks. My boss, the HR manager and this new-to-me person are all very close. Like, they've all been working together for 10+ years and sometimes will go on vacations together. Also, this HR manager and the new-to-me person share the same unique last name. So, it leads me to believe they're either related or married.
    via u/Dr_Does_Enough
  • 05
    Font - Anyways, were all having a great time and I sit down in their vicinity. My boss introduces me and I st you not, the first thing that comes out of their mouth is, "yeah I've heard of you, you're your bosses ch". My smile immediately evaporates.
    via u/Dr_Does_Enough
  • 06
    Font - I turn and look to my boss, sitting next to them, and also the HR manager, who is sitting next to my boss, and they both tell me "stay calm, she is only joking".
    via u/Dr_Does_Enough
  • 07
    Font - They proceed to say it a second time and chuckles. Again, I look at my boss and the HR person and again they both tell me "she's only joking, its just a joke, its ok, its just a joke".
    via u/Dr_Does_Enough
  • 08
    Font - In that moment, they didnt correct them. Possibly they were corrected after the fact, idk. Instead they chose to manage my emotions, which bothers me.
    via u/Dr_Does_Enough
  • 09
    Font - I completely ignored them, turned away, didnt respond and soon after my boss walked to over to me to do damage control. They told me "everyone gets called that, its part of the joke, they didnt mean it, thats just their personality, I can see your upset, but please dont let it ruin your
    via u/Dr_Does_Enough
  • 10
    Font - time, you know I'm always there for you, just trust me that it was a joke" That new-to-me person didnt apologize, the HR person never talked to me or apologized, and I just left when the outing was done.
    via u/Dr_Does_Enough
  • 11
    Font - EDIT: Alot of people in the comments are asking Why i didn't just leave, and maybe I am a EA because I stayed for the whole outing. This part of the outing I was actually on a harbor cruise boat and when it happened we had just left the dock, so I couldn't leave e
    via u/Dr_Does_Enough
  • 12
    Font - AES AdAccomplished6870 3 days ago & 10 More Call a meeting with HR and your boss. Say that you understand that this is part of the culture and you don't want to make waves, so you would like clarification, in writing, when it is OK to call someone a bitch. This is clearly acceptable, as the
    via u/AdAccomplished6870
  • 13
    Font - person was not corrected, and you were told not to take offense, so, in an effort to fit in, you would like make sure you are calling people bitch appropriately, and would like guidance, as well as documentation to make sure that it never gets you in trouble. 15.1k Reply Share
    via u/AdAccomplished6870
  • 14
    Font - IDontEvenCareBear 3 days ago ● I would put this kind of thing in an email. I wouldn't call for a meeting. They obviously can't be trusted. Make them put everything in an email. 4.7k Reply Share
    via u/IDontEvenCareBear
  • 15
    Font - BrewNerdBrad · 3 days ago It's important to note that IT can be asked to reveal bccs on messages. It can also get printer logs with files printed, so if you print copies name them something innocuous. In a culture like this, it can be easily abused. I've been in IT 30 years and have seen it.
    via u/BrewNerdBrad
  • 16
    Font - Ember1205 3 days ago Call for the meeting. Send everything in email as a "follow up" recapping everything that was stated (take copious, detailed notes and refer to them in the email). 83 Reply Share
    via u/Ember1205
  • 17
    Font - KobeBeatJesus 3 days ago First start looking for a new job, THEN do this. There isn't really a discussion to be had here for anything other than making them pay for their ignorance, you don't want to keep working for a place like this. 110 Reply Share
    via u/KobeBeatJesus
  • 18
    Font - AHOY xlx_clitorus_climax 3 days ago "I have no recollection of this conversation, I was there and I don't recall that being said, I spoke with Boss who was also there. We do not appreciate these allegations... We would like to speak with you first thing monday morning"
    via u/xlx_clitorus_climax
  • 19
    Font - Apprehensive_Hat8986 3 days ago All in writing. First by email, with a promise of a hard-copy follow- up, and CC the Department of Labour. HR was already present, so this is beyond their jurisdiction. 76 Reply Share
    via u/Apprehensive_Hat8986
  • 20
    Rectangle - feelin_cheesy 3 days ago ● Unfortunately, it's way worse than just throwing conversation. They called OP someone's, which means that they own them in a sense. Pretty degrading way to treat people in the workplace. out in a
    via u/feelin_cheesy
  • 21
    Font - Dr_Does_Enough OP. 3 days ago Reminds me of Jessie from Breaking Bad "Yeah Work, Bitch!" 58 Reply Share
    via u/Dr_Does_Enough
  • 22
    Font - _Mullet_Militia 3 days ago OP you should be all about this. Take the long road and document any and all retaliation and the collect that $$$$ 427 ↓ Reply Share
    via u/_Mullet_Militia
  • 23
    Font - wolfcarrier Just make sure you record the meeting (secretly of law allows it) so you have proof of them lying or backpedaling, in case you need it in the future for anything 18 ● 3 days ago Reply Share
    via u/wolfcarrier
  • 24
    Font - Equivalent-Pay-6438. 3 days ago The big mistake was not demanding HR and the Boss explain the "joke." Tell them you need to have them explain why it is funny. 39 Reply Share
    via u/Equivalent-Pay-6438
  • 25
    Font - mystikmike. 3 days ago Perhaps you should also ask if this culture allows an employee to address a boss as a egomaniacal stuffed shirt, or the HR Director as a pencil pushing flunky?
    via u/mystikmike

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coworkers askreddit toxic-work toxic-boss workplace Reddit toxic-work-environment
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